HOPELESS, maybe not?

This part was in the middle of my breakdown on Sunday 17, 2014. It is painful to re-read and talk about but I have to do it to move on...
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HEY I'M DOWN HERE...HELP!!!!!

My life seems so hopeless right now.  *** EDIT-- not so bad now***

I can't come out to my local family and friends.
 
It seems I have been causing others to be upset by the things I am posting in the G+ and FB groups I have been in. I realize that I shouldn't let what others say affect me so bad but I have always been this way. 

  My first ever emotional relationship ended after about a week by being crushed. My words have caused discord and distress in others.

 I am totally at a loss. How can I have hope when there appears there isn't any. 
                                                                          ***EDIT - I now see some***
 I tried contacting my therapist but her phone just keeps saying its out of range... GAHHH!!!!!!!! I forgot she was on sabbatical in Africa for at least 8 more days.

It terrifies me but for the first time in almost 2 years I am considering ending it all.
I am beginning to not care about anyone or anything now no reason to because no one really cares about me. A lot of people say they do but my soul has been so damaged that I have trouble believing anyone.   *** EDIT - No longer considering harming myself***


UPDATE:
 Thanks to the many friends, I didn't realize actually cared for me: Shannon, Cassandria, Ashley,  Angel, Michelle(G+), Mackenzie, Kendahl and Sarah, Jane, Michelle(FB), and DeAnna, I do owe them my heart and soul. They stuck with me in a VERY tough and dark time. Their kind and actually some stern words knocked some sense into me. I love them all. I probably missed a few I love and thank all the men and women in the communities I am in both on G+ and mostly Facebook.

I know I sounded like I was suicidal, while partly so, I could not do that, I have to take care of my mother and brother, they are the only physical connection I have to this world and I them.

Thank everyone for their concern it truly means the world to me.

I mainly want to thank my DEAR friend and who I consider my sister and my guardian angel, Shannon, without her encouragement I could never have climbed out of this dark dank well I was stuck in. She spent most of her day talking me out of the Dark. I could see it was hurting her to.
<---- This is how I see Shannon right now.


If any of my words in the past, now or future bother someone please confront me privately, I do not want any of my friends brought into things, I have caused them enough stress. I know they try and protect me but in doing so conflict starts and it crushes me.


+++++OMITTED+++++






Enough ranting for one night, Thank you for reading and being the light in my darkness.